Laugh Lines!!

I am not one to read the newspaper as it just depresses me. I do, on occasion, pick up the "Tidbits" paper of various cities in the area. I found an article from the March issue that stuck my funny bone.

These are excerpts from students' exams....

• The future of "I give" is "I take".
• The parts of speech are lungs and air.
• The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
• A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
• Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin and Hydrogin is gin and water.
• (Define H2O and CO3.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
• The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
• Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
• The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
• The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on th bottom.
• One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
• One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
• To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.
• The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
• Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
• The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
• Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.
• The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
• Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
• The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
• In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
• Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
• A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.
• The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
• A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
• The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
• Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
• The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.