Daisy Daisy, Give me your answer do!

I have finally, officially, lost my mind. I have sent in my application to be a troop leader for a Daisy Troop. Of course when I first thought about it, I thought I couldn't possibly do this because I am too busy since I can't say no to anyone but the PTO (that is one thing I refuse to do). After several conversations with "She Who Must Not Be Named" (and you know who you are!!) I was assured that I would have help if I volunteered for this.

We went to the recruitment fair on Saturday and talked to the powers that be of the Colorado Girl Scouts. I've already made a wonderful impression on them. While joking, I stated that I couldn't have my alternate personalities fill out the reference sheets and they didn't find that funny. Since I am who I am, I tried to get myself out of the situation by trying to "explain", which didn't help my cause. All the while "She Who Must Not Be Named" is about cracking a rib and rolling on the ground. She didn't mention that they have no sense of humor. But to give credit where credit is do, she probably thought I had more sense than to try to joke with people I didn't actually know. Note to self - Don't joke with leaders about alternate personalities when children may be involved. So I have signed up for training classes and everything. It will be interesting to see how this goes. Oh, the things we do for our children. She probably won't even like it. Oh well, such is the life of a mom.

I couldn't resist....

The Zen of Sarcasm

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone .

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Home Again...

Hello my fellow bloggers. You all know how happy I am to be home!!! I have been hibernating and catching up on some of my recorded shows. TIVO (pardon me, my DVR) only holds so much. We are about at capacity. I know what I'll be doing next week while the kids are in school.

Our trip, I hesitate to call it a vacation, went better than expected, only because Andrew didn't end up in the hospital with an allergic reaction. The trip to Chicago was hot, humid and did I mention HOT?!?!?! The wedding was nice and it was nice to have a couple days with my husband alone. Sadly, we sat around and wondered what to do. Evidence that we have been married for 15 years. We eventually found something to do, but I won't submit you to all the gory details.

After Chicago, we stayed in Dayton and saw lots of family and friends.

Bob (with Rose Brown the Guinea Pig), Lindsey, my Grandpa Leary,
Karen (Step-grandmother), grumpy face, and Aunt Colleen

Lindsey, Aunt Julia, Baby Sarah, Andrew (aka grumpy face)

I don't actually get in the pictures, it's just evidence enough that there ARE pictures, hence, I am there. Other pictures are online at Snapfish.com. Those of you interested have already received an e-mail. Possibly some that aren't interested!

All in all we had a nice time. Lots of stories, but I've determined that if I don't want "stuff" to bite me in the a**, I need not put it in writing. (And we wonder where Lindsey gets her potty mouth, NOT.)

I'm so glad that everyone is back on track with school, in more ways than one, because I am NOT. This little trip of mine has put me three weeks behind (in more ways than one). Again, do we see a theme?

More to come later.

1... Blast off... Smooth Landing?

Okay, I know that you are all a flutter to hear about my trip to Ohio, but you will have to sit in anticipation a little longer. Forgot my camera connection, don't have High Speed Internet (it's taken me a half hour just to log on), it has been 96 degrees with 96% humidity and my hair is so frizzy, I can hardly get through the door. So in other words, we're having a GREAT time, not. Have gotten to see family and went to the wedding. Oh! Also got burnt in Chicago, we weren't even at a beach/pool. I will be happy when we get home on Thursday.

2...

Okay so I'm delaying the inevitable. I have so much to do, I decided to blog instead. At least it's only cleaning and packing not actually something I'll be tested on.

As I was reading my e-mail, where people were getting in trouble for saying bad things, a very funny story came to mind. I have lots of Lindsey stories, but this one takes the cake. About a year ago we were playing "Mario Party 7" on the Game Cube. Andrew, being a male of the species, was taking for ever to take his turn. For those of you who don't own or have never played the game, you can play up to 8 players and they all take turns then you all play a game together. Well anyway, Andrew was doing heaven knows what when I started telling him to hurry up. Then out of the mouth of my lovely, princess like 4 year old little girl comes "Make up your f*****g mind". Since Bob and I have different senses of humor, we reacted as differently. I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to throw up and Bob was ranting and raving. When he accused me, I stated in all innocence, "I have no idea where she got that, it must have been from school". When in doubt throw the school under the bus!!

I'm sure I have plenty of other stories for you all, and will blog them when everyone annoys me this week.

Pondering for the day:

"Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?"

The count down has commenced!! 3...

As Tuesday approaches, my trepidation increases. I'm really not looking forward to our trip. The heat, the in-laws, the running around, the in-laws, dealing with the kids, and oh, did I mention the in-laws? I am however an equal opportunity parent basher. My parents have decided that staying at my house to watch Belle is a good thing, I however, did NOT. So I am cleaning, cleaning, dealing with hyper children and did I mention cleaning???

On our flights out, yes I said flights plural, Bob will have Sir Andrew, the casted lad (thank you Miss Martha for the precisely accurate reference), and I will be with Miss Prissy. Lindsey realized last night that she is coming with me. Oh the joy of being loved. After 20 minutes of crying, yelling and screaming for daddy, I came down out of my room ready to talk to my daughter. (tee hee) Actually she was way bent out of shape about the flight arrangements. So this should be a gleeful 6 hour, three airport excursion.

Some more insight into last week's back to school adventures:

I have to wait out front for Lindsey and Andrew meets me there. I, along with others, are feeling cut off from the pack of community moms. I'm reduced to talking to CS and listening to how Andrew and her daughter are having a "love affair" (her words not mine!!). Somehow I think I got the bottom of the bucket this year. I'd much rather be talking to the coven and dissing those that bug us.

All in all, Andrew and Lindsey did well their first weeks. After all, they only have one more day of school before we leave for two weeks. I'd better not hear any complaining or there will be lots to do on vacation. I have an overabundance of flash cards, books, etc.

If I don't talk to any of you, I will try to blog my vaca, however miserable it may be!!

First Week of School

The first week of school went as well as can be expected.

Andrew was very nervous the night before. This confused me since I'm used to kids (namely us) being our for 2+ months. After two months, I was always a little nervous since we hadn't seen the teachers and there were always kids that moved into the area. Anyway, I tried to explain that it was the same as the winter break only with a new teacher. He wasn't worried about his new teachers , so I'm not sure what he was worried about. So by the time he went to school, I think he was fine. He was happy to be back at school, but annoyed that everyone kept asking about his cast. I think he got tired of telling the story.

Lindsey had a wonderful time. She's been waiting for this for over a year. She loves Mrs. Greer and the first two days of school went well. Her one-on-one went well too. When she and Mrs. Greer came our laughing, I knew it was going to be a long year.

I worked two days up at the school. It's nice to be so close to the kids and to be able to be there if they need me.

Well, this is all short-lived since we are leaving for Ohio on Tuesday. The kids are excited to already be getting time off school. That is just pitiful. At least they don't have homework yet. I was actually hoping they would have some homework to do while we are gone. Instead I'm sure I will he hearing "I'm bored", "I don't have anything to do", etc. We will of course take plenty of stuff to do, but it never seems like we take enough.

What happens in Vegas...

By popular demand I am going to tell about an experience I had a while ago.

Several years ago Bob and I visited Las Vegas, with some friends, Jenn and Jason. While looking for something to do, we had decided to do the normal Vegas touristy stuff. We brunched at Ceaser's, we shopped on the strip, we took pictures of all the really cool stuff in the hotels and casinos (at least what we could take pictures of) and we visited the local color. By local color I mean a strip club.

While the club was not as classy as we had first thought it would be, they had areas for both men and women. Our first stop was where the men were "dancing". All four of us had decided to stick together for a while considering the clientele.

One of the dancers offered to give me a lap dance. He was not at all my type. He wasn't hairy, but he shaved. He also had a VERY long braid that any woman would probably give their right arm for.

As I was being danced on, Jason paid. The "dancers" thought he was my husband and Bob was...? Bob, being the homophobic that he is, was flipping out (which is a major understatement). They kept coming over and asking him to buy Jenn a lap dance. Jenn and Jason were laughing so hard, they completely ignored me. All of this was happening without my knowledge. I thought they all, were watching me to keep me safe. But Bob was much more entertaining.

During my lap dance, I started to get worried when the "dancer" started barking at my crotch. Yes, barking. Did he think I was a dog, or he was a dog, or...? I was mortified but laughing because it was strange and funny all at the same time. Once he was finished and I realized I wasn't the cause of Jenn and Jason's hilarity, the guys went down to where the women were dancing. Jenn and I went to the bathroom so I could de-scent myself. The dancer had used some sort of really smelly lotion. I think it was communal lotion as all the men smelled the same way. We thought this was very strange.

We then decided to find the guys. We found them at a table and the stripper invited us to sit with them. The tables sat about 10 people and had stairs going to the "dance area". Jenn and I then stuck up a conversation with several of the strippers about how soft their skin is, how the men behave toward them, their workout routine, and the such. The men (other than our husbands) got rather annoyed with our conversations. There was one girl my husband was fascinated with. She was blond with braided pigtails(do we see a theme?). As she was coming off the table, I noticed her necklace was a pink dog collar with rhinestones. I was so obsessed with this, we made fun of Bob the rest of the trip.

Since the guys were all affronted, Jenn and I went back upstairs. As soon as we went into the room, "my dancer" ran over and hugged me. I had to de-sent myself once again. His friend was accosting Jenn and asking for a dance. He would not leave her alone. Eventually we extracted ourselves from them.

The room had become more crowded, but we found seats at the stage. We were watching in a sort of strange fascination. They were stomping around the stage. Jenn, being a real dancer, and I could not figure this out. We left after a while, collected our husbands and left for the hotel.

We left Vegas with great memories and new insight into several different things.