Several years ago Bob and I visited Las Vegas, with some friends, Jenn and Jason. While looking for something to do, we had decided to do the normal Vegas touristy stuff. We brunched at Ceaser's, we shopped on the strip, we took pictures of all the really cool stuff in the hotels and casinos (at least what we could take pictures of) and we visited the local color. By local color I mean a strip club.
While the club was not as classy as we had first thought it would be, they had areas for both men and women. Our first stop was where the men were "dancing". All four of us had decided to stick together for a while considering the clientele.
One of the dancers offered to give me a lap dance. He was not at all my type. He wasn't hairy, but he shaved. He also had a VERY long braid that any woman would probably give their right arm for.
As I was being danced on, Jason paid. The "dancers" thought he was my husband and Bob was...? Bob, being the homophobic that he is, was flipping out (which is a major understatement). They kept coming over and asking him to buy Jenn a lap dance. Jenn and Jason were laughing so hard, they completely ignored me. All of this was happening without my knowledge. I thought they all, were watching me to keep me safe. But Bob was much more entertaining.
During my lap dance, I started to get worried when the "dancer" started barking at my crotch. Yes, barking. Did he think I was a dog, or he was a dog, or...? I was mortified but laughing because it was strange and funny all at the same time. Once he was finished and I realized I wasn't the cause of Jenn and Jason's hilarity, the guys went down to where the women were dancing. Jenn and I went to the bathroom so I could de-scent myself. The dancer had used some sort of really smelly lotion. I think it was communal lotion as all the men smelled the same way. We thought this was very strange.
We then decided to find the guys. We found them at a table and the stripper invited us to sit with them. The tables sat about 10 people and had stairs going to the "dance area". Jenn and I then stuck up a conversation with several of the strippers about how soft their skin is, how the men behave toward them, their workout routine, and the such. The men (other than our husbands) got rather annoyed with our conversations. There was one girl my husband was fascinated with. She was blond with braided pigtails(do we see a theme?). As she was coming off the table, I noticed her necklace was a pink dog collar with rhinestones. I was so obsessed with this, we made fun of Bob the rest of the trip.
Since the guys were all affronted, Jenn and I went back upstairs. As soon as we went into the room, "my dancer" ran over and hugged me. I had to de-sent myself once again. His friend was accosting Jenn and asking for a dance. He would not leave her alone. Eventually we extracted ourselves from them.
The room had become more crowded, but we found seats at the stage. We were watching in a sort of strange fascination. They were stomping around the stage. Jenn, being a real dancer, and I could not figure this out. We left after a while, collected our husbands and left for the hotel.
We left Vegas with great memories and new insight into several different things.
6 comments:
I'm sorry but the image of some almost naked, long braided stripper guy kneeling and barking at your crotch makes me laugh so hard I could pee.
You should have been there!!
Just a thought: were you sporting any of your trademark Big Dog tshirts?
Giggle giggle..or should I say ruff ruff...
oh my gosh martha i hadn't thought of that...almost spit my coffee out.
haha - Is this why your such a "Big Dog" fan - hahaha!
No Big Dog shirt on at the time. Let me specify that I was wearing a shirt just not a big Dog brand. And now I doubt I will ever wear one again. YUCK!!
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