The Zen of Sarcasm
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone .
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone .
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
6 comments:
I'm a big fan of sarcasm. I can't help it. Now my friend Chelsea, who is recently into "the secret" of positive attraction, she'd point out that it's negative! But, if sarcasm is at the top of my list of vices - I'll live.
This is laugh out loud funny! (so much that I didn't even give you the standard LOL. I SPELLED IT OUT!)
Sarcasm rocks. That is probably why my karma isn't all it should be.
It really is no surprise that you and Dodi share a sociopath! Your joint appreciation for the fine art of sarcasm would make taunting the sociopath an event worthy of popping popcorn and sitting back and enjoying the show!!!!!!
Martha,
If only we'd known then that we could have tag-teamed her! I do believe that we could have caused her the breakdown that she so justly deserves. I told Aimee that I'd like to find a way to anonymously slip to our beloved sociopath that we are now friends with each other. She'd stew on that for WEEKS, just wondering if we were talking about her and getting all worked up and insulted at the thought. Oh, she'd work herself in to such a snit!
How fun would that be!!! Actually she'd probably say "Aimee who?" since I was such a great friend and she had invested so much time in me.
"Aimee who?"
NAIL ON THE HEAD! You are so much better at pin-the-description-on-the-sociopath than I am!!!
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